The Marriage Course: Part Three

Two weeks ago Esther and I embarked on the seven week Marriage Course based on DVDs and materials from the Holy Trinity Brompton stable which we are running at our Church in Shrewsbury.

The third week "Resolving Conflict" was a very interesting look at ways of dealing with disagreement, and working through solutions.

We deduced that I was a "Hedgehog" and she was a "Rhino" when it came to conflict, well actually, I rated her as a "Rhinehog" as it depends on the situation. If anything she has a tendency to go in a bit too strong whereas my natural tendency would be withdraw, sometimes helpfully and sometimes frustratingly.

There were scales of different characteristics and we had to mark each other on where we were on the scales. It was fascinating. We get on like a house on fire. I love spending time with her. She loves spending time with me. We often end up close to tears laughing. We have loads in common, apart from her not liking football. Well, at least so I thought until we did this exercise. Don't get me wrong, we do click brilliantly, and have so much in common, but this exercise showed an interesting slant on things.

On the whole,

I dress casually, she dresses smartly
She likes to thrash out disagreements I like to keep the peace
I like holidays where we seek adventure, she likes to seek rest
I like to save money, she likes to spend money
She likes to spend time alone, I like to spend time with others
She likes to make plans and stick to them, I like to be spontaneous and go with the flow
She likes to have time in hand, I tend to cut it fine
I like to go out, she likes to be at home
I like to go to bed late, she likes to go to bed early
She is not so interested in "sport" (although is into fitness and goes to the gym 2-3 times a week) whereas I love sport, especially football, and do the gym twice a week alongside five a side football
She will talk at length on the phone: I make arrangements and I am done
I am relaxed with tidiness and generally live in mess, she likes to keep everything ordered and in control
I would keep the TV on, she would throw it out.

Then the wonderful words on Nicky Lee: "we often find people get married to someone almost completely the opposite to them". Phew! It showed so clearly how we click. I need her to help me make it happen and keep me from chaos, and I bring unpredictable sparks of humour and energy into her world. We both lose much without the other.

I want to appreciate all she brings to the relationship, and try to make what I bring less annoying for her. This course is great, as it allows time for self analysis that every day life does not afford us.