Men's Weekend

We had great fun this weekend away at the Christian Mountain Centre.

We walked, we climbed cliffs, jumped into mountain stream plunge pools, dragged ourselves into waterfalls and sailed or paddled around an estuary.

We talked, we had an ale, we worshipped, we played table tennis, we reflected on scripture, we shared our stories, we prayed and we got to know each other.

Suffice to say, a good time was had by all.

There has been a lot of discussion about men and the Church. I am even reading a book about it. I am sure a group of women from our Church would enjoy a weekend away like this too. That is not the point. The point is it was good to get some of the blokes together. A very meaningful and worthwhile venture and I would recommend the venue wholeheartedly.

Gathering the blokes

We had a great day on Saturday with about 50 blokes out at a nice venue in the Shropshire countryside.

We were priviledged to host David Oliver as a guest speaker and he was simply superb.

Three main sessions on the workplace (wherever that is, home, education, the office, high paid, low paid, retired) and then one really pithy session on the myth of work/life balance and what our time is really worth.

He really was exceptional.

In a movement really seeking God along the lines of the "Everything" conference I thought what David brought was absolutely nail after nail being whacked on the head.

We worshipped. We prayed. And the sight of a room full of blokes laying hands on one another, some loud, some quiet, some weeping some laughing, all seeking God, will live with me for quite some time.

We finished the day with a Hog Roast as the spring sun set over the walled garden. As I went to bar I thought Wood's Parish seemed an apt choice!

CVs

I have developed the art of writing the CV.

I have not applied for a job in over 10 years.

I did the graduate milk round job aplications and was quite successful at the time, even though the good Lord had other ideas and I never took up a job.

But now, increasingly, I am being asked by young men to help with their CVs. It started with me seeing they were struggling to get a job and offering to help. Now apparently I have gained something of a reputation of being able to make a CV look and sound quite good while maintaining its truthfulness.

To the point that other people from the same work as one person who I helped now want me to help them. Someone's brother is interested.

The base level pastoral care for those guys is to encourage and help them get a job. If that means being alongside them helping their CV to stand out then frankly, I can't think of a much more important level of pastoral support.

Would Jesus have helped write CVs? I think so.

Releasing Creativity

I am not all that creative. I cannot draw, paint, sing or play a musical instrument. If God wants musical / artistic creativity to flow here then I am not the guy. Yet I would love the Church to be brimming with artistic and musical creativity.

It was a real thrill this week when a member of our Church came in with a painting that he felt God had put on his heart.

It depicts the crucifiction scene from above, with the activity of the Holy Spirit surrounding the cross, while drops of blood, a whip, hammer and nails serve as a stark reminder to the suffering endured.

On Good Friday we used this as an opportunity to reflect in silence and meditate on what Jesus went through for us.

I love the idea that God is speaking across the Church family to people and through their gifts, and this serves as an example to that. I hope is the start of something more.

Reaching Men: Part Three

This is a subject often discussed in the blogosphere.

I have opened the lid on it a couple of times here and here.

Normally different books / articles / discussions I have read seem to go one of two ways. Either going "hunting, fishing and shooting" and other manly activities seem to be the answer to most things (especially amongst our friends across the pond). Or people get very upset because discussing how to reach men becomes yet another example of a chauvinist Church excluding women.

Both extremes fall well short in my view.

So rather than put together a shiny new strategy, or suggest changes to make Church look more "manly" and less "girly", and rather than consider how some of us are "Wild at heart" while others are "Captivating", I will just let Mike and Matt tell their story. Can I recommend you spend 15 minutes or so listening to how they have come to faith in Jesus.

Here is the Alpha Flyer that gets a mention.

Reaching Men: Part Two

Interestingly enough: many of the observations charicatured by people like Mark Driscoll about men in the Church, appear to be pretty spot on.

I wrote about my thoughts back in December here.

Looks like some research backs up many of the statements made, as published by the Telegraph here.

All they needed to do was mention football and it would be spot on.

No, of course I don't mean "all men". Just lots of them.

Interestingly it feels like sometimes it is people who get very upset about much evangelical thought regarding homosexuality for the sake of "inclusivity" in the Church, who then get offended by churches seeking to "include" men who have other preferences, in areas like worship style and decor.

Men's top ten fears about joining a small group?

I don't agree with all of it, but fair play, this video really did make me laugh, on so many levels.


Men's Top 10 Fears About Joining a Small Group from Ray Dangelo on Vimeo.

The thing is, I would also say each point applies to women as well as men.

I don't think cell groups need to look or feel like that, but I reckon most of us have an experience similar to one of the ten, if not more. I love the one about the splinter, just brilliant.

I do believe in the cell concept, but not if it looks or sounds like this!

David Wilkerson

A discussion about the use of violent language on Dave Warnock's blog took an odd turn when Dave gave David Wilkerson as an example of someone not using violent language.

Being a reader of David Wilkerson's books and sermons, and having visited his Church in New York (in 2004) and seen videos of him on Youtube I knew that this was a strange assertion as he is a full blooded fire and brimstone old style evangelical.

Well anyway, while looking for a bit of evidence for my case I stumbled upon this quote here.

First of all, David cried out to the Lord. “Oh, Lord, make haste! Help me quickly. I’m about to fall. Please, hurry and deliver me. Cause me to escape. Your Word promises you’ll deliver me, so do it now” (see Psalm 70). I ask you, how often have you cried out a similar prayer? “Oh, Lord, how long will it take for you to deliver me from this?

Please, do something now. This is dragging out too long. Where is my way of escape that’s promised in your Word?” The truth is, we all want out of the war we’re in. We are tired of fighting, weary of the struggle. We think, “I’ve fought long enough. I’m so weary now I’m about to fall.” Even Jesus said on the cross, “Father, why have you forsaken me?” But God won’t take some out of their war.

Why? First of all, war is how the Lord strengthens and teaches us wisdom as soldiers in his army. Second, he needs us in this war. You see, you are at the very center of the conflict, and others close to you depend on your example. If God pulls you out, it’s possible many of your friends and family will suffer and fall away, because they
never saw you fight through your battle.

Do you get the picture? You are the one whom God uses to drive back the enemy. You are the one he wants to teach how to war. You are the warrior whom God works through. And he is using your example to strengthen weaker brethren.

David Wilkerson is genuinely an old warhorse of american evangelicalism, if you can forgive the violent metaphor. What a wonderful exhortation to see the work of the Lord within suffering not outside of it. To see the call of God in trial not outside of it. To choose the narrow path, not the wide one.

If there is one thing to come shining out from our Freedom in Christ course it is the testimonies, and the power that is expressed when people have faced trials and challenges and overcome them or worked through them.

Too often I know I pray "Lord, take it" or "Lord, fix it", not "Lord, help me stand and fight"

I think that is one aspect of being from a consumer culture that has left its mark and I need to stand against it.

Reaching men

There seem to be lots of discussions regarding Church being viewed as feminine and the decline in numbers of young men in Church congregations.

Well, I am a young (ish) man, aged 29 in human years. I have male friends in my Church who are around the same age as me. There have even been young men saved and added to our number.

What is the secret? Erm, there are no secrets. I would suggest though, that there are 5 key points I have learned for reaching young men (20-35) in modern Britain.

1) FOOTBALL IS GOOD: We play it, we watch it, we talk about it
2) FOOD IS GOOD: We eat it, lot of it, curry, chinese, pizza, then we eat some more
3) THE PUB: Ah yes, Sky footie on in the background, a nice Shropshire ale and put the world to rights. We do talk about our feelings, we just don't do it much in groups of people we don't know.
4) DIGITAL DISTRACTIONS: Wii, Xbox, PS3, you set it up, we will be there
5) MEN'S MINISTRY: Some blokes are very passionate about "Men's ministry". Most I meet could take it or leave it, they just want some friends to play football with, before going to the pub, then for a curry then stay up into the night playing Pro Evolution Soccer.

This is a deliberately tongue in cheek post, yet actually, has some pretty stark relevance.

One lad who plays footie with us has just agreed to come to the carol service. Two came on the Alpha Course last year. I am not particularly a "man's man". I don't run up hills dragging logs or drive a big truck. I don't pump iron, say words like "grrr" or talk about kicking the devil in the backside. Nope, I just do what I enjoy doing, with other guys.

And if you are thinking to yourself "Ah yes, but those are all just stereotypes of masculinity and not all men are like that" then you probably just missed the whole point of this post.

Disappointment with CBMW

I am a regular reader of the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) website and I am becoming increasingly unhappy with some of the terminology used. This is partly because what I have seen written by some of their contributors differs widely from where I see myself on the scale.

The sermon at our church this week was more a practical discussion rather than a massive theological defence of our position. This is a subject to be engaged with, not retreated against.

This article doesn't stack up for me, unless the only people to ever preach in any Church are elders of that Church or appointed elders of other Churches. Does that rule out any preacher ever who is currently not an active elder in a local church?

"And second, whether one believes that women should exert elder authority in the local church by preaching a sermon is ultimately a much larger question than merely that of church order"

I just don't see "preaching a sermon" in that light. Laurence Singlehurst came and served our Church faithfully by preaching to us a couple of weeks ago. He is not, to my knowledge an elder of his local church. He came to serve the vision of our church as laid down by the elders of this Church who have responsibility before God to shepherd the people here. He did not usurp our authority by preaching here, as he was fully qualified to teach on the subject and yet willingly submitted to the brief we gave him in order to serve our vision.

He did not preach as an elder, he preached as a servant to God's word and our church vision laid down by our eldership. Did we falsely allow him to exert elder authority by letting him speak?

And then when we define elder, how far do we restrict what we mean by it in all the different forms of church government? If we have a fairly clear definition of elder which includes a gender distinction (which we do), then should we invite a fellow church leader who does not hold the same definition of elder? Someone who does not work clearly in a team, for example? Is that ok as long as they are a bloke? That would also compromise what we meant by "elder".

Some of the tone of the CBMW website is unsettling. Looking at the CBMW vision they state it "Serves as the evangelical voice for the biblical view of gender to the Christian community and the world" which is not true. Exchange the word "biblical" for "complimentarian" and remove the word evangelical (for evangelicals inhabit both sides of the discussion) and they are correct.

Mary Kassian states on a front page quote "Feminism and christianity are like thick oil and water: their very natures dictate that they cannot be mixed". This is a ludicrous generalisation.

Firstly - what do you mean by feminism? Radical feminism? Feminist scholarship? Liberal feminism? Evangelical feminism?

Secondly, feminism has brought massive social benefits to women such as better pay and flexible working hours, maternity rights etc. At the same time it brings certain challenges that the Church must respond to according to scripture, but no more than the subjugation of women in previous generations and even now brought challenges which needed to be responded to. In fact had the Church responded to scripture sooner in defence of women there would have been no need for the feminist movement, in many ways. It all depends on how you understand or define feminism.

"Perhaps more than ever before, it is clear that this debate is unfolding as a contention about the authority of scripture itself." is a difficult statement to read. I appreciate greatly the work of Grudem, Piper et al and find is sad that CBMW is drawing a line where it is. It excludes any that uphold male headship but define it more softly, and uphold male eldership but define church preaching differently, and it appears to label anything not four square in its position "egalitarian" and then imply that egalitarianism is the product of feminism, and feminism and christianity should not be mixed.

That is a massive wedge to drive between two churches who believe in male headship but define it slightly differently.

NB: I have amended the name having had my mistake pointed out!

What is biblical headship?

This is an interesting question posed on a few forums I read regarding headship in marriage.

Here are six pointers for blokes:

1. Be selfless and always loving to her: Eph 5:25
2. Love her as you love yourself: Eph 5:33
3. Do not be harsh to her: Col 3:19
4. Be considerate, treat her with respect : 1 Pe 3:7
5. Grant her honour as she is a fellow heir: 1 Pe 3:7
6. Know you will be judged by God for what you do: Col 3:25

That is not a comprehensive list of roles, but rather gives us a flavour of what husbands are to aim for as part of the outworking of their headship. If we are not hitting these targets, then whatever we are doing is not headship in a biblical sense.

I think sometimes the headship discussion becomes all a bit too technical and hierarchical and talks about the actions of the man without due regard to the benefit for the woman. Would your wife volunteer 1-5 as being true for you?

If we look at the example of Jesus, he is inclusive to women beyond what his culture was comfortable with. On top of that Jesus cooked: John 21:9-12 and did "menial" tasks: John 13:3-5 normally reserved for servants.

So does headship mean we always get to decide everything? Well God commanded Abraham to obey Sarah Gen 21:9-12 when Sarah was closer to God's heart than Abraham was, even when Sarah had already called Abraham "Lord" (1 Peter 3:5-6).

Who else gets to be called Lord? Well - Jesus for starters. Did Jesus rule with an iron fist or was he worth following (or even submitting to) because of his intense humility, compassion and godliness? Because of his selfless love that cost him everything?

Maybe humble, compassionate and godly men are the answer, as they are worth "following".

Jesus was not some big softie though - he challenged hypocrisy, he hated sin, he lashed out at mammon, he was jealous for His Father's house, but he was also the fullness of God, gracious, compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

I don't see headship as something we "are" by rights, by some rudimentary biological difference, but rather a responsibility and calling we can choose to live in the fullness of, by the grace of God.

The flip side is that it is also something we can fail in, horribly, as Adam did. It is a duty we can only uphold on our knees before God, without a hint of pride or self seeking.