Friday, 17 June 2011

Newfrontiers Borderlands

The time of year has come, 500 people across 7 Churches looking to reach an area with the gospel of Jesus, building Churches, blessing communities, planting Churches.

I have enjoyed previous years here, here and here.

As alluded to in the third post, the one from last year, my Borderlands experience was rather clouded in personal circumstances.

We found out conclusively on the Friday that a pregnancy had failed. The miscarriage was yet to happen. So I spent the weekend with Esther and I was dazed and confused and not quite able to get my brain around the fact everything was still inside her.

That was a start of a painful journey that led me into the loving arms of God in quite a profound way.

But now we are going back.

It is a little bit like going back to the scene of a crime.

And I am a bit nervous.

And when we go Esther will be two weeks off her due date for our baby. Which is most exciting!

The circle of life continues, but I really don't know how to get my head around it all?

We'll go to the places where we wept and where we wrestled with God and comforted one another. We will drive the drive the drove with heartache and sadness from the hospital up to mid wales.

We will be with the people who shared our pain as they now share our joy.

And I want to be happy.

But it still hurts.

Because what makes this now so right is what made that so utterly wrong.

Because something good does not make something bad go away.

So this weekend is going to be a big one for us. We're caught up in an apostolic led mission to reach a nation and we're passionate about our local area.

And we're vulnerable humans who grieve and anticipate in equal measure.

1 comment:

Pauline said...

Understandable Dave- and God knows. If you failed to acknowledge that grief, and it could be cancelled out so easily by the joy of the imminent arrival of your new baby, it would be to underestimate the little life that went before and meant a lot to you both.
It's OK to feel that nervousness. It's OK to feel sad.
It fits in with something I read only last night which I hadn't realised. We are taught by the world how we OUGHT to feel, but God says those who MOURN will be comforted- so how can God comfort you if you deny feelings?