Friday, 1 October 2010


I wrote this series of posts a couple of months ago. Now things are settled we want to share them, as an encouragement to others who may face similar experiences.

We have some wonderful family and friends and lots of people in our Church who care for us.

Some of the responses we have had have been really overwhelming.

Two of our closest friends came around the night we found out. They were there with us, they cried with us, and they were available to practically help us. I don't think I have known someone cry over my grief. It meant so much. They were there with us, and there for us.

A friend in our midweek had a simple message, “I am really sorry to hear your news. You must know it is not your fault, it is nothing you have done”. Yep, I’ll take that thanks. I needed to hear that. I needed to know we had not done anything wrong.

A family member texted us, “I am sorry to hear your news. I will be praying for you to be able to start a family soon”. I like that. Some faith. Causing us to look to the One who makes things work out for good and asking God for what we really desire on our behalf. Yes, I will take that.

Another one was people who have been through it themselves. “I know”, often followed by tears. That is enough. Just to know someone else feels it, someone else knows. You can see it in their face. Even if it happened 30 years ago, you can see it in their eyes, they know. You can almost touch it, it matters.

An answerphone message from my friend was simple, brutal honesty. “Mate, we were gutted to hear your news. I don’t know what to say. I have rung you but I don’t know what to say and I don’t think I will have anything I can say but I want you to know that I had rung because I care and if you guys want to come over sometime we would love to see you”

Yeah, I will take that.

The situation is dark. I don’t know what is going on and I am not looking to you for an answer.

I just want to know that you care.

I just want to know that you are there.

I just want to know you will stand with us in faith and pray for a successful pregnancy in the future.

I just want to know that it wasn’t our fault.

I want you to cry with us because it is so sad, pray with us because God can act for such good, and call us even when you don’t know what to say.

When couples around us, including some very close friends went through this in the past I just had no idea. I hate to think the sorts of things I said. Now on this side of the fence the way I will approach this in the future will be very, very different.

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